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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27146897">Muse and his Wonder</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAEMREN_ch1ld/pseuds/JAEMREN_ch1ld'>JAEMREN_ch1ld</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jaemin is a nude photographer, M/M, Na Jaemin is Whipped, Open Ending, Renjun is asexual, Renjun is his muse, Talks of Asexuality, jaemren, najun - Freeform, nude photography, renmin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:01:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27146897</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAEMREN_ch1ld/pseuds/JAEMREN_ch1ld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Renjun moved to an attic to live an independent life and there he saw the man he never expected his life to be tangled with.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Muse and his Wonder</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello omg i'm back and this had been in my drafts for months. </p><p>i got this idea from a movie i watched three months ago and i forgot the title which is weird because i totally got the idea of this whole story from that. anyways, online classes sucks and i had to get away from that somehow so i can keep my sanity and writing is my way of expressing my brain and the random thoughts here so. </p><p>also, thank you to all readers who have been giving me kudos and comments in my past stories, i really love reading all of your comments and it inspires me more to write.</p><p>this is getting long but hey, stream make a wish and from home!</p><p>enjoy reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In the leisure of comfort and trust, Renjun found himself breaking apart from the sincere act of kindness he developed when he started liking him. all was precious, like a simple delight of treat but still a joyful experience, Renjun stood in line, waiting for his attention to prosper into something better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun, like the specks of dust blowing onto his hair, the smell of old books and old lady fragrance, circulating the air. Renjun mustered up the courage to pick his things downstairs, his stone cold feet walking slowly so he wouldn't create a single distracting sound.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was 23 when he found himself living on his own after years of prying his parents to let him be. It wasn't like Renjun was well-off for him to ask his parents to spare him the independent life but Renjun managed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he stood on the door of his old, dusty room, Renjun could hear the loud voices of his future housemates. His feet dragged him to the second floor, where the kitchen was located. It was dinner time as he read on the grandfather's clock. there was an overwhelming sound of laughter at the end of the corridor, something unfamiliar but very comfortable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun, before he got to pick his things up, a man who wore something fancy stood before him. He was tall compared to Renjun's stature and also smelled really good. Renjun was too caught up, as if hypnotized with the tantalizing smell of old perfume.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're the new tenant of my mother?” A husky yet concerned voice resonated in Renjun's ear, breaking the almost fantasy scenario Renjun made up in his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Renjun answered, to be quite frank, robotically.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ That's weird, the attic is not open for anyone, as it was supposed to be my studio.” The man said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'll be only here for 2 months, until I find another apartment to settle in.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man hummed instead of answering Renjun. Renjun was thankful enough because the air was so awkward, he needed to get out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Won't you join us for dinner?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was about to say no but it would be really rude if he declined a wonderful offer from a guy he decided to call, ‘Wonder’.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun found himself sitting at the end of the diner, like a lost puppy who just wanted to eat dinner peacefully but the difference was, all eyes were on him. A dozen pairs of eyes are on him. Renjun didn't know if they were judging him or scanning his normal clothes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaemin invited you?” An elder who he presumably think was the oldest among all, asked him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ I didn't know his name.” Renjun answered honestly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodness me, of course you won't. that guy never introduces himself. He's the son of the owner of this house.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was not interested but he nodded his head. Gladly after that, no one ever spared him a glance, not even a second. Renjun peacefully ate a small portion of the dinner served to him. Once in a while, Renjun would look up, seemingly look for ‘Wonder’ but he failed to see him that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it would be another two weeks before he laid upon the guy he named, wonder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun spent his whole two weeks trying to decorate his rundown room but with his limited supplies and furnitures, the only thing he could muster up to decorate was his study table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His stay was filled with tranquility and occasional invites for dinner. He enjoyed the company of the old ladies, they were naïve but also revealing, it was entertaining for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As for the man he once saw, he failed to see him again. It was like the man just suddenly vanished but according to the ladies, the guy only visits when his mother needed him here. Renjun was utterly disappointed, the man was his latest wonder or if he would rather consider, his latest obsession.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun ate at the dinner room for two weeks, hoping to see him again and every single dinner he spent with the ladies, it was filled with stories about the man. Stories about how great he is, how revolutionary his latest works are and renjun was intrigued with their stories.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Works? What kind of work was he an artist? or a model? Renjun was very curious which was different from his past impression of not being interested in the man. Renjun had heard a lot of whispers from the females going in and out the house, they were glowing and fresh-looking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaemin is here,” Renjun heard from the second floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun's ears perked up and his body automatically moved on its own. The only room on the third floor was the attic and the maids' quarters and as he peeked from his door, small gushing sounds of squeals welcomed his ears. the maids who were waiting as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun sighed and went back to his room. He didn't expect that there were more residents who wanted to have a look of his Wonder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A knock from his door made him realize his own thoughts, another sigh escaping his lips as he walked towards his door. A small squeaking sound made its way as Renjun pulled his door open. the old lady, Mrs. Jones and her black cat was there, a smile on her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaemin wants to see you for dinner,” Renjun nodded his head and followed her. “You don't have any work, dear?” Mrs. Jones asked him as she hummed to a song from her era.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't. I'll resume on Monday.” Renjun responded, hands clasped on his back. They walked downstairs slowly, for Renjun it was slow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is Jaemin's arrival that special?” Renjun absentmindedly asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean? Jaemin has always been here. It's just that he's in the basement working on his crafts.” The lady explained. Renjun didn't get it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What kind of crafts to be simply specific?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He takes pictures of naked women,” The lady added. Renjun's eyes went wide, he didn't expect such revealing and explicit works to be contained in this old mansion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun sat on the same chair he had been sitting for the past two weeks. and there, he finally saw his wonder, looking dashing. his face was a type of vivid memory, so delicate but stern. Renjun watched him indulge the platter of food calmly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for calling you suddenly, renjun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's nothing, I have no work anyways.” Renjun smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Work? What's your work?” Jaemin asked, all attention on him. The ladies stopped eating and smiled at him. Renjun appreciated the attention but it was too overbearing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ I work as a waiter downtown.” Renjun hesitated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again, jaemin just hummed as a response, breaking the flow of their conversation. Renjun wished it was longer but he was glad that Jaemin knew his plain existence. Renjun ate quietly again, listening to the neverending gossips of the old ladies on the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for joining us, lovely man.” Mrs. Pritts or the lady in blue said to Renjun. Renjun just nodded his head and gave her a timid smile before leaving the dining room. Jaemin had left the diner as soon as he finished his food with a female wearing only a piece of bathrobe to cover her skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah..Renjun can you take these fruits to Jaemin? He said he wanted some earlier.” Mrs. Jones gave him a tray filled with fruits of different colors.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the basement. He's quite busy these days so he goes straight to his studio to work on his crafts.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun smiled at her and grabbed the tray from her hands. It was a good opportunity for him to see the working place of the son of his landlady. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The basement looked more modern, as if refurbished. Renjun went down slowly, afraid of creating noise but as he went down, the small gasps and moans from the end of the basement became clearer. it was a female voice, soft yet very loud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun's heartbeat ran faster, his feet nearing the wooden door. And there, the sound was clear, the pleasured voice of the female was loud and high-pitched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“F-fuck! jaemin!” Renjun was stunned but he didn't pay attention. He needed to deliver the fruits, he didn't want to disappoint any of the old ladies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun knocked three times, loud enough for it to be heard. The voices stopped and as if on cue, the door opened, revealing Jaemin who wore nothing but a silk bathrobe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” he asked, looking annoyed and displeased.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mrs. Jones told me to deliver these fruits to you, and said you were busy even taking one.” Renjun explained, not looking at his eyes but at the woman whose legs were open and trembling a lot. “You might want to put some clothes on her, she's shaking.” Renjun suggested.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told them not to visit my studio at this hour..” Jaemin whispered but Renjun heard it, it was clear enough for him to know it was an indirect notice to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'll leave this here. Please eat some, it looks like Mrs. Jones has put a lot of effort into preparing you these. have a good night.” Renjun turned around, a small sigh escaping his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Monday.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just like any other day, Renjun prepared early. The restaurant he worked at was also open for breakfast. Luckily, Renjun's body clock was used at the unusual hours he would always wake up. but this time, he was earlier than what he expected, he's an hour earlier and the restaurant was just six blocks away from his current home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun wore a black dress shirt and white pants, it was rather cold since it was winter in England, any heaters won't make the coldness subside. Renjun breathed through his mouth, the air was too dry for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun's old leather shoes created some noise, it was only 5 in the morning and the old ladies usually wake up at 6 in the morning. He heard someone cooking from the kitchen, the pans were sizzling and it smelled amazing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun marched towards the kitchen and found his wonder chopping some scallions on the counter. “Good morning, Jaemin.” Renjun greeted as if the views from two days ago didn't happen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Renjun. you're early?” Jaemin smiled at him and Renjun had a hard time stopping himself from being mesmerized. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm..” Renjun hummed and was about to turn on the kettle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See, Renjun..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun hummed automatically when Jaemin halted him. He looked at jaemin with expectation in his eyes, waiting for him to continue. Renjun's stare was glued on Jaemin's silk blue pyjamas, the color hugging the pale skin of the man.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'm sorry for what you saw two days ago, I was really careless—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“None of that.” Renjun was the one to put him on pause this time. renjun sat on the stool in front of jaemin and used his palm to rest his chin on. “I understand sexual needs,” Renjun muttered, still looking at the first two unbuttoned sections of Jaemin's pyjamas.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Glad to hear,” Jaemin chuckled and it was really raw to Renjun's ears, like some sort of needle pricking his eardrums.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was the woman from that night your muse?” Renjun asked when Jaemin turned around to mix the rouge he was cooking. Renjun heard a chuckle again but this time it was forced, like a strum that came out from an untuned guitar. “ She is, isn't she?” Renjun asked again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. It was an agreement.” Jaemin's voice went deeper and his eyes started to glare at Renjun's resting fingers on the countertop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's really fascinating,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Jaemin looked away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I heard from Mrs. Jones that you're a nude photographer, the best one according to her but it seems that the great photographer she speaks of, uses his sexual pleasure to increase the sexual tension of his muse.” Renjun was drilling holes on the back of Jaemin's silk pyjamas. Jaemin was stiff due to that but he tried masking it with the way he was mixing his rouge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Renjun could hear malice. He knew the tone, he used that a lot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A week ago, dusk of dawn, a woman left this building, limping. I asked her what happened and she was high for God knows what. She told me that something happened to her and it was spectacular, so I asked her what it is and she told me “Nudity of man is the best gift to a woman,” quite astonishing, right?” Renjun was taunting him, his sharp british accent entering Jaemin's mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't know where you're going at this,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you pay your muses or should I say prostitutes, by having sex with them?” Renjun asked, a tint of blush on his face for asking a question he was supposed to avoid. Jaemin turned around again and set the stove off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Prostitutes, huh?”Jaemin repeated. “Why are you so interested in my muses?” He crossed his arms and had a smug look on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun scoffed. “I'm not interested in them, it's just that every single dawn when I go down to fetch myself some coffee, I hear your women crying in such a displeasing way, I want to cover their mouths with belts. So what is this spell you casted them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? That nudity of man is the best gift to a woman?”Jaemin smirked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That and this, only you can make them whimper like a slut.” Renjun chuckled. “I wonder what made you so special? What's so big about being a photographer?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun knew the timing was off and he crossed the line but it had already been done and that his words were already heard by jaemin who was now looking at him eye to eye. Renjun didn't know what type of confidence rushed inside him or what kind of hallucination he set himself into but he was there, taunting jaemin more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wanna know?” Jaemin pushed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun blinked and diverted his eyes to the clenched fist of Jaemin. “Maybe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then why not be my muse? I swing both ways.” Jaemin smiled, it was seducing and undeniably tempting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun rolled his eyes, feigning the nervous feeling he had been feeling from the start. He wasn't ready for this at all, he was just trying to pry Jaemin's calm composure to see how he would react but all of a sudden, he was at the bottom of the pyramid he created.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would I?” Renjun masked it off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin went closer until he was face to face with Renjun, he held Renjun's chin with his index finger, tilting his head up to look at him. “Don't take me for a fool, Renjun. I know how you stare at me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun scoffed. it allowed him to release a breath that he had been keeping ever since he started this conversation. a shallow piece of strangle in his mind got the best of him, his own curiosity making its way. Renjun bit his lips and tried to look away but Jaemin held his chin tightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't do sex, Jaemin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why not? I promise it'll be amazing.” Jaemin whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'm asexual and please get off me, your perfume is sticking to my uniform.” Renjun pushed jaemin away from his face. Renjun stood up and went upstairs, leaving a smirking Jaemin who shook his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun once thought that Jaemin was charming, like a gem that made him all giddy when he was a child. There was a bitter taste when Renjun left the kitchen, it was also hard to swallow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was asexual, he knew it very well but there was a spark in jaemin's stare and it was hard to even glance sideways because jaemin was irresistable. Renjun never felt any sort of sexual urge even if there was a stripper in front of him luring him to touch a body part, he never felt any sort of sexual tension with any of the people he took a liking in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>so why? Why was Jaemin making him feel this different, this raw, and this hot?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun left the house with a woman entering opposite him. Renjun rolled his eyes and hugged his scarf tighter. Jaemin was a vivid imagination of a guy he never expected he'd be infatuated with and Renjun liked to keep it that way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Evening.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun arrived. He was rather sleepy than tired but the noise coming from the kitchen on the second floor was emerging to his ears and Renjun didn't like it. he would be happy if it was the old ladies laughing at some stories from their pasts but it was different.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The noise filled the second floor with fake and sultry laughs of jaemin muses. Renjun had to get dinner, he knew the old ladies prepared some dinner for him since one of them dropped by the restaurant he worked at. Renjun wanted to skip it and just sleep his way but he didn't want to disappoint the efforts of the ladies who treat him as their son.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun sighed and dropped his bag at the stairs leading to the attic. Renjun marched his way towards the kitchen and was greeted with three girls basking their way into Jaemin's attention. they were wearing robes, probably naked inside of that and renjun felt the need to puke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun didn't pay any greetings and just slid his feet towards the microwave next to jaemin. Jaemin turned around and saw Renjun, picking the plate inside silently, Renjun wished for Jaemin to just let him be and let him eat his dinner peacefully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But of course, after their blaring talk earlier, Jaemin needed to rile him too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin detached his body to the women and whispered something on their ears that made them giggle. Renjun was about to leave when the girls got to the door first. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Leaving? After insulting me?” Jaemin asked. He mimicked Renjun's way of tapping his fingers on the counter top.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun heaved and turned around. He put down his plates and massaged his temple. “I'm tired, Jaemin.” Renjun said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really now? After riling me up this morning and judging the way I work, you still have the guts to play the innocent one here? Forgive me if my muses want to be bedded, it's not like I can deny such requests when all of them kneel in front of me, right?” Jaemin  started, clawing Renjun's wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'm pretty sure those prostitutes are very willing to be down and dirty for you, jaemin.” Renjun commented, it was sarcastic. It was dangerous and downright offensive but renjun was not in the mood to plant mischief and feign innocence to Jaemin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why does it bother you? I know for sure that your morning round of coffee is not really the reason because you don't drink one, Renjun. “ Jaemin towered over him. “Does it bother you because I became your fantasy? I see the way you look at me, as if you can devour me any second and here I am offering a place for you but you declined it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun gritted his teeth and yanked his wrist away. “Do you take me for a wimp prostitute who spreads his legs just because a handsome photographer was willing to take pictures of them? No Jaemin. I’m not like them and I certainly don't like you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don't like me yet you keep dragging yourself to me with questions that should be left unbothered because it's my choice. Guess what Renjun? That's how you like people, you get curious about them. “ Jaemin answered back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never even once said I like you. You are handsome but that's that. Enough with your outburst of confidence, Jaemin.”Renjun turned around but Jaemin held his wrist again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want me,” Jaemin whispered with gritted teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun scoffed, “In what part of me being asexual makes your head spin?” Renjun yanked his wrist and grabbed the plate before leaving Jaemin. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>2 weeks.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don't have work today, Renjun?” Mrs. Jones asked when he entered the large living room. Mrs. Jones was the only person inside the room. “Jaemin is here, he just fetched me some coffee.” Mrs. Jones answered when she saw him searching for other tenants inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun knew that the old ladies were only aware of Jaemin's job but not particularly his extra services. They praised Jaemin for it, saying it was a good empowerment for confidence. Renjun would have agreed so if Jaemin was doing his work right but no, Jaemin was nowhere near nice or right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun nodded his head with a small smile. He took the small journal he brought and continued working on the leftover drawing he started a few days ago. He didn't want to answer any question that connected with Jaemin. He didn't know what type of human Jaemin was, a hungry fox or a dog in heat, it was messy to comprehend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could hear the shuffling of mugs and shoes on the floor but he didn't take his eyes off the drawing he was doing. He could feel the couch deepening which means someone has sat on the other side of the couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You really are talented, Renjun.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun knew the voice, it was his favorite, anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Renjun silently responded, not reaching the stare of Jaemin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The coffee was nice, Jaemin but i would rather go. I'm gonna take Brutus for a walk.” Mrs. Jones announced and Renjun almost panicked if not because of the hand stopping his thighs from moving. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And they were left alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was icky, it was a whirlpool of never ending palpitation inside Renjun's heart. With Mrs. Jones being outside, they were the only ones left inside the huge manor and Jaemin was approaching his safe line slowly and it made Renjun feel very antsy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin was gorgeous and any women or men would die to be bedded by him but Renjun was different, this was all new to him like some sort of electrifying occurence beneath his presence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun closed his journal and acted upon his instinct of pushing Jaemin away from him but he forgot he had frail arms, Jaemin didn't even move an inch and just stared at him in amusement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see,” Jaemin was the epitome of a flower who destroys the beauty of the grass because it was too pleasing. Renjun regretted every word that left his mouth when he cornered Jaemin that one time in the kitchen because now, Jaemin was the one cornerning him, caging him with his hand on his thighs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let go, Jaemin..” Renjun whispered. Looking sideways to see if someone was watching them both. Renjun never even once imagined that this type of scenario would be put into reality and it would make him suffer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If only he knew the limits of his curiosity, of his undying will to know something about his wonder then maybe he would be drawing with no difficulties. Renjun tried pushing Jaemin's arms but it was futile, Jaemin was much stronger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin closed his journal and moved it on the coffee table, not tearing his gaze away from Renjun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun swallowed a huge lump on his throat, watching Jaemin's slow yet stern move.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin then used both of his arms to grab Renjun's thin legs and hopped it on the couch they were both sitting on. Jaemin hovered on Renjun's body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was a prey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What..What are you doing?” Renjun looked baffled, he knew it was sexual. What Jaemin was doing to him was unusual but it was just hard to push the guy. It was taunting, really taunting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven't welcomed any of my muses in two weeks, Renjun.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun fled to his mind, finally realizing where this talk would lead on. “I won't be your muse.” Renjun said, looking straight to Jaemin's eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never said you will, Renjun.” Jaemin whispered in his ears, his cold hands reaching Renjun's earlobes. “But it did cross your mind, right?” Jaemin continued.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun closed his eyes. “Why are you doing this to me?” renjun asked, still baffled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Infatuation, darling. We both feel the same way.” Jaemin caressed Renjun's cheeks and it took great pressure for Renjun not to cooe on it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said I don't like you—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“and I don't either. I just said I was infatuated with you but it doesn't mean I like you, Renjun.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I heard from my mother that you will prolong your stay but how can my mother allow it knowing that you can't afford it anymore after your first two months? My mother had to cancel all of the architectural designs in my future studio because of you, Renjun.” Jaemin said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was true. By the third month, his rent would increase and it would be impossible for him to pay it and Renjun would have a hard time searching for an apartment in the middle of winter in London. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're threatening me.” Renjun inhaled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'm not. actually, I am going to offer you options.” Jaemin detached himself from Renjun, pulling Renjun up and holding his wrist towards Jaemin's studio.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Renjun's first time entering Jaemin's studio. It was massive, and Jaemin's camera lined perfectly on a shelf. negative photos of his nude muses decorating the left side of the room and a varities of background colors filled the right side of the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>jaemin entered first, walking towards his table and pulling sheets of paper from his drawer. “You can enter, my muses' scent doesn't linger here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun entered. it indeed smelled like ink and papers, no signs of scents. renjun saw the bed, or rather couch from the night he saw jaemin with one of his muses. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun felt too nauseous inside, like he was trapped in the bubble of Jaemin and his women. Renjun saw the brilliant pictures of how Jaemin captured the curves and beauty of each lady, Renjun was envious. envious because he could only wish for someone to appreciate his body that way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take a look, have you seen any women looking like a prostitute?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wha..What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My muses are precious to me. I can turn them down for sex sometimes but if sex is the reason they can become the greatest of themselves, who am i to refuse such opportunity to let them be who they are? I am an artist, Renjun, and I know you are too. My photography is different to my pleasure, I let them have a taste of me so they can present the idea they have in their minds. Some people use alcohol to have courage, right? then my muses use pleasure to be their courage.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was stunned. He never expected any below the sea level sort of meaning coming out from Jaemin's mouth. It was intricate and very detail-oriented, Jaemin was undoubtedly an artist, a dedicated one to say the most. Renjun couldn't escape the trap Jaemin prepared for him, right now, he was so close to agreeing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What's in it for me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin smiled. “Be my muse. I won't touch you unless you permit me so and I can let you live here for as long as you want.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I saw you changing last week. Your body is great, so flawless and I want to capture that. “ Jaemin traced his slim waist with his fingers and it almost made Renjun shiver.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My body is not that great, Jaemin. You're seeing it wrong.” Renjun removed Jaemin's fingers from his body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don't be too hard on yourself, Renjun. I know what great bodies look like and you definitely have one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one had ever mentioned something so appealing and flattering to Renjun and to his body. It was like a spell, maybe it was the spell Jaemin used to his muses because it was working to him. his ideals slowly disappearing and renjun might be sleeping without any clothes on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you're still doubting. I have no other muses except you, you're my only muse for the time being. Have you seen any women entering my house, there's none, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun gave it a thought, though he already had a decision. He was buying time, probably expecting to hear Jaemin change his mind. but no, even after a minute of silence, Jaemin just crossed his arms on his dark blue dress shirt, waiting for him to answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'll..I'll do it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin released a relieved sigh. “It won't be hard, Renjun. Just be yourself and I will make you prettier than you are right now.” Jaemin caressed his cheek, slowly brushing his fingers towards Renjun's upper lip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When do you want to start?” Jaemin asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have work tomorrow and the day after,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Saturday then.” aemin said</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Saturday.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can strip,” Jaemin invited, fixing his camera and his set up inside the spacious studio. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was wearing his usual white dress shirt and slacks, looking elsewhere so he could decrease the anxiety riling inside him. He sighed and removed his dress shirt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was painfully slow, he was taking his time removing every single button on his clothes and Jaemin watched it, he was also painfully watching it and it was agonizing to look at how Renjun unbuttoned it with grace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun reached the last buttons, finally letting the clothes detangle from his slim body. Renjun could feel Jaemin's intense stare, it was too overflowing for him. He moved to his pants, and if he could go redder than he was, he remembered he was only wearing his underwear and no shorts to lessen the embarrassment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don't be too shy in front of me, Renjun. I'll see you naked many more times than now.” Jaemin said, sighing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun removed the last piece of clothing he had and it was his underwear, finally revealing his naked self to Jaemin who was just astonished. Renjun covered his private area and looked at jaemin. “Can we start now?” Renjun asked, almost pleading. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin nodded his head and reached for Renjun's hand to guide him towards the set. When Renjun had finally sat down, Jaemin picked up his clothes and folded it to the chair near him. Renjun blushed towards the action, looking down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was naked, his white, porcelain skin was making Jaemin more inspired than any other of his muses. Renjun was a treasure and Jaemin could see it from his lenses as he angled it towards Renjun's chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Make yourself prettier, Renjun. do whatever you want.” Jaemin invited, and Renjun did just that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun raised his legs up and rested it on the arm of the couch. The couch was new, Renjun could smell the fresh leather. He placed his right arm on his waist and his left hands to support his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun looked at jaemin to see if the pose was good enough but renjun only saw jaemin smirk before placing his head between the lenses, making Renjun see no reaction from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perfect, Renjun.” Jaemin approved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin didn't even want to make Renjun move, even if Renjun just stayed still, he would still look ethereal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun also had no hairs around his body, all were smooth and Jaemin could tell Renjun took care of his body. His legs were long, long enough for the camera to capture its beauty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun sat again, but this time he turned around, exposing his back to jaemin. He heard jaemin cough, he looked back to see jaemin reaching for bottled water. Renjun turned around securing his legs with his right hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a scar on renjun's back. It was small but still evident. Jaemin was in awe to see it. He focused his camera towards the scar, which was below Renjun's nape. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After capturing a ton, “Wear this,” Jaemin removed his necklace and gave it to Renjun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun stared at it then he glanced at Jaemin who was looking at him. “Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin knelt down and grabbed the necklace from Renjun's hand and wore it to renjun. “Your collarbones are distracting,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun nodded his head and raised his head, showing the necklace. He saw Jaemin bit his lower lip, shaking his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“..it's driving me crazy,” He heard Jaemin murmur.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun touched the necklace and felt it was letters but from a different language,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sunday.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you have a boyfriend?” Mark asked Renjun, he was Renjun's best friend.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun shook his head and returned inside the kitchen to fetch some fresh napkins. When he returned, Mark was still eyeing him with a question on his face. “I really don't have one, trust me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you're asexual and all but romance is still in your vocabulary.” Mark said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun sighed and threw the used napkin to Mark. “I really don't have one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what's that on your neck? It clearly says a name and It's definitely not yours.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun touched the thing where Mark pointed his finger. Renjun's eyes widened and he immediately ran towards the staff room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Mark follow him, closing the door. “What's got you in panic?” Mark asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is not mine, I just wore it yesterday.. What name is it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaemin, it's written in arabic. Who's Jaemin?” Mark dropped on the chair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun rubbed his face and just stared at Mark. “No one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both of them worked until midnight and he forgot to return the accessory to Jaemin as he was tired and just wanted to sleep. He never had the chance to look at himself in the mirror earlier since he was late and he needed to run.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one? You wore someone's necklace and you expect me to believe no one?” Mark looked at him with disbelief.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He's just the son of my landlady, he took pictures of me.” He didn't want to mention the nude part, it was too new for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He's a photographer?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun nodded his head and put the necklace inside his pocket. He needed to return it, if not it would create a bigger picture to talk about. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The night reached its peak, Renjun with no clothes to warm himself and a camera shutters. Jaemin wanted to explore Renjun's idealistic body, making him wear a choker this time. Every accessory jaemin made renjun wore were all for his neck and it started to become normal for renjun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a white choker, almost invisible on Renjun's skin. as his body differs its position every minute with the new set prepared by jaemin, his body was getting tired. From the hours he was working until midnight when he and Jaemin processed their project, he didn't get any rest at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it was different for Jaemin, his night was just getting started and with Renjun in front posing with no clothes on and a choker that replicated the color of purity, Jaemin was lost to deal with Renjun and his growing boner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wear this. Take a rest, your eyes are drooping.” Before renjun could speak, Jaemin was already placing his headphones on his ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun wore the robe and sat down on the couch he saw that night. “Jaemin?” Renjun started. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why did you let me wear your necklace? It speaks your name on it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin didn't return the soft voice of Renjun and just gave him a smile so small, Renjun could barely consider it as one. Renjun sighed, picking his clothes. “I think we can stop for today..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stay, we're not done.” Jaemin said without glancing up from his computer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have work tomorrow, and It's already past midnight.” Renjun stirred to see the clock above his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Jaemin sigh, he was doing it a lot today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“By the way, here's your necklace. I forgot to return it last night, I was really out of..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin grabbed the necklace and turned Renjun around, he placed the necklace back on Renjun's neck and let it be there, as if marking his territory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun felt the coldness of the gold necklace, it was placed right between his collarbones and a moment of silence filled the whole room. Jaemin was still holding his shoulder, it's warm for Renjun but too close for comfort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun felt the hold tighter and this time, Jaemin’s both hands were holding his shoulders, keeping him in place and unable to move. Renjun felt a rush of warm breath on his blades, as if sniffing him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaemin..” Renjun softly called out. He tried to tap Jaemin's hand away but Jaemin didn't move at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin's fingertips moved downwards, where the knot of the robe was. Renjun could feel Jaemin detangling it, and in a swift move, Renjun's back was exposed to Jaemin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun gasped when Jaemin started sniffing him, from his back to his nape. “Please jaemin, you're not helping..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shush..” Jaemin held him tightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin spun him, now finally face to face with Jaemin who was red and looking in need of pleasure. “Just let me smell you..” Jaemin whispered, nearing his body towards Renjun who was sculpted to the cold marble floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun nodded his head and let Jaemin place his pointy nose at the crook of his neck, sniffing the smell of coffee and butter. “You smell so fucking good, Renjun. So fucking good.” It sent shivers down Renjun's spine, he never heard Jaemin curse this near and it would be a lucky token if he could hear it again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun placed his cold hand on Jaemin's head pushing him further. Renjun was feeling all sorts of emotions and pleasure, he never experienced any of this. his groin was acting up and he was pretty damn sure it wasn't because it was chilly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His neck felt wet, sounds of sucking emerged to their ears as Jaemin marked a certain area on Renjun's neck. “Mine..” Jaemin whispered in between each suck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun's one color free and flawless body was finally decorated with Jaemin's work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Weeks</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It became frequent and the marks increased. when one healed up, Jaemin would make sure to add one or two to replace it. Renjun did question it but Jaemin only added more when he asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was starting to question his knowledge of what his sexual stand was. That's why he stood here, Donghyuck on his feet and a glass of warm tea both in their hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am sure i was asexual, Hyuck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were sure. But now, you’re doubting it. “</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He marked me for days and it made me feel excited and warm and hot. I don't know anymore, Hyuck. It's like he changed me, he was like an enigma and I don't know how he did it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Renjun, you were in a dilemma and now you're not.” Donghyuck said, sipping in his cup.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't follow, Hyuck.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want him, Ren, you want him so bad.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When Renjun was 15, he discovered that he was not into girls. He didn't find them attractive like how he found the head of the student council pretty who was a guy. He discovered that he was gay, he was happy, his parents, not so much but they worked it on. Renjun looked for himself in the middle of pursuing his dreams but he failed to find himself when he was piled with work and pressure he didn't even want.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That's why he turned his back from college, wanting to maybe give himself some off years and maybe search for the guy he would like to spend his time with. In his mind, he was fairly doing okay but when Renjun reached a certain age where sex matters the most, he was lost again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was it a necessity? Why do people around him needed sex in their lives? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was confused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he was 17, his boyfriend insisted on doing it. Renjun had no experience, had no knowledge and had no will to do it. He said yes, maybe because he wanted to know if his boyfriend would make him feel something inside, like maybe ignite something inside of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They kissed but Renjun didn't feel anything, he blamed it to himself, maybe he wasn't enough and  maybe it was his mistake. His boyfriend left him, like any other guy who tried to reach him for an intercourse. Renjun wanted to feel hurt but there's none.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sex didn't excite him, he didn't feel any ignite. Was he okay? Was there a problem?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun cried most days, he felt so different even though his mother said he was normal, that there was nothing wrong about him. But every time he looked at himself in front of a mirror, he saw something wrong, he felt something different.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried watching porn, all sorts of it. He wanted to get an answer not until Mark, his best friend, broke it to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're asexual, Junnie.” Renjun didn't know the meaning of the word Mark said, it was very unfamiliar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he searched it, he studied it, he accepted it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn't easy. Accepting that he was not interested in a need was a huge truck of pain inside him. He wanted to feel his partners, he wanted to ignite them too but how can he do that when he couldn't even ignite himself? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun felt useless and it took him years to be proud of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though he accepted that he was asexual, that he was not into sex, that his idea of love didn't connect with the normal ideals, it still made him feel small.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck saying that he was in a dilemma was another rocky road to conquer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was he really just in a dilemma or Donghyuck was mistaken? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was in shock, that's why he rushed. He rushed and went back to Jaemin. Jaemin who was just waiting inside the spacious living room, Jaemin who was looking at him, Jaemin who was smiling at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun was breathing so hard, his eyesight flooded with tears and his legs shaking as he approached Jaemin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to prove Donghyuck wrong, that Jaemin was no special and was no enigma. Renjun wanted to prove himself that he was not in a dilemma and that he already accepted who he was before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With his shaking hands, he pulled Jaemin and smashed his lips on him. Jaemin was taken aback but Renjun didn't care, he was waiting if a fire would ignite inside him. He was waiting if the fire would let him feel hot, he was waiting if he could connect his fire to Jaemin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin snaked his arm on his waist and deepened the kiss with his hands pushing Renjun's head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun pushed him, and wiped his lips. “No..I'm..I’m not in a dilemma..” Renjun said, tears brimming in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What's happening, Renjun?” Jaemin tried reaching for him but Renjun moved back. He needed to be away from him</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're just a photographer..You're no one to me..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jun..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“NO! You're supposed to be just the son of my landlord, you're supposed to be just Jaemin.” Renjun screamed and he knew the old ladies could hear him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Renjun, talk to me..” Jaemin pleaded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why? What's so special about you?” Renjun grabbed his own hair and pulled it, trying to wake him up and let this be a dream.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Renjun—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun ran downstairs and directly entered Jaemin's studio. He didn't care if Jaemin followed him. The studio was red, he almost saw nothing but his pictures. He grabbed all of his pictures and ripped all of it. “Because of these fucking pictures..” Renjun cried, he screamed his lungs out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun grabbed the scissors and aimed it at his biggest picture plastered on Jaemin's wall, waiting for it to dry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But before he could, Jaemin hugged him. “Calm down..Please.” Jaemin softly whispered, he softly whispered but Renjun didn't want to listen to it. He thrashed, trying to get away from his grasp. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please Renjun..” Jaemin covered his eyes and landed soft kisses on his temple. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Calm down, Renjun..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun grasp on Jaemin's hand that was in his eyes and breathed hard. “I was okay, I accepted it already..So why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sshh...” </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He was back inside the room, the room he ruined. Renjun eyed all of his teared pictures on the floor and Jaemin collecting them. He wished it was gone in a snap but no, he could see his whole body on Jaemin's hands and it felt like Jaemin was touching him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt dirty but also relieved that it was Jaemin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had finally calmed down, he was sitting on the couch, the dirty couch as he watched Jaemin pick up every single piece of his portrait. Renjun would hear Jaemin sigh every time he knelt down to clean Renjun's mess.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God, Renjun was tired. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun stayed silent, he watched and watched every drop of Jaemin's shoulders. Upon realisation, he bit his lower lip. He ruined Jaemin's works. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaemin..” Renjun called out and Jaemin hummed. “I'm sorry..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin who was calm, who was composed stood up and threw the photo papers to the trash. Jaemin, who was collected and mature, detached the large photo of Renjun on his wall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You destroyed every single piece of my work, Renjun.” Jaemin muttered silently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could've understood if you didn't let your anger consume you. I always listen, Renjun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don't know anything, Jaemin..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The fucking tell me what's happening to you,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun flinched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you hate my work so much that you have to tear it in front of me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had a lot of reasons to be so angry, to be so furious. He was doing fine, he was happy with the possible thought of Jaemin being his cute little crush but Jaemin had to crash it and make him question his whole life. Renjun felt betrayed, it was unfair for him to be feeling a new, unfamiliar emotion because he didn’t wish for it. He was fine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun looked at him, his eyes blaring with pain.  “Because you're making me feel like I'm not normal again. Because you're making me feel like I'm weird again. Do you know how much I questioned myself ever since I met you? I lived a peaceful life, I already accepted who I was and I was finally happy about it but you came and everything went back to zero again. My friend told me that I was in a dilemma, that I was not sure of who I really was because I want you, Jaemin. It took me years to accept who I was, that I'm asexual and that I can't give any pleasure to my future partner. That's who I am and now I am fucking asking again if it's really me because you fucking destroyed every singlie piece of who I am!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun closed his eyes, his tears were starting to fall. It hurt, it hurt more than how he expected it to hurt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want me?” Jaemin asked. He walked towards Renjun and knelt down. “Why didn't you tell me? I could have made you feel better.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't want you for sex only, Jaemin, I fucking like you, I want you in my life.” Renjun covered his face to muffle his voice. It was embarrassing. “I want to have sex with you too, I want to feel you but I can't because I don't feel anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to feel, maybe even pleasure Jaemin back but it was entirely possible when he himself couldn’t figure out how to exit his own trap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this why you kissed me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun nodded his head. “I thought I was going to feel something when I kissed you and I did but it was different...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>..It made me realise that I like you, I really like you.” Renjun's voice croaked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You like me? Out of all people, Renjun..” Jaemin whispered. Renjun removed the cover from his face and embraced Jaemin with his thin arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin caressed his head. “You can't like someone like me, Renjun. We can't be satisfied with each other.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh..Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sex is my life, Renjun and to you, sex is a nuisance.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Almost Spring</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When the morning breeze greeted Renjun's puffy face, he mounted his head on his headboard and let the cold air come in from his window to lessen his solemn feeling. The winter was almost ending and Renjun was not ready for a change of season, not when Jaemin had completely ignored him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin gave him another set of his pictures, probably a token of his efforts and to appreciate his body more. But after that, Renjun became a shadow casted behind Jaemin, he could only look at Jaemin's back. They were living inside a big old manor but they acted like ghosts, and it feared Renjun that it would end.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mrs. Pritts had told him about Jaemin's latest exhibit. Apparently, Mrs. Pritts visited the exhibit with her daughter and saw his pictures, embracing the whole room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin really did his promise of making Renjun his only muse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But after that, it was back to nothing again. It's been a month. A whole month of Jaemin not coming back to the manor. Mrs. Jones didn't have any idea where Jaemin really lived permanently. For the past two months of Jaemin and Renjun innocent rendezvous, Jaemin had always been staying in this manor because of Renjun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He liked him and up until now, he could only see Jaemin's figure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Mark told him that he could still feel romance, and the he could still love, he found it hard to believe and downright selfish. How can he love when he couldn't even provide the need Jaemin had been living for years? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin said it already, sex was his life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And how could he love Jaemin when he couldn't even provide that simplest thing?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rubbed his face with the sleeves of his sweater. Jaemin still let him live inside the manor, there were no people entering his room and saying he needed to leave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His phone rang. “Hyuck.” He answered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He came here.” Donghyuck said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He's still here, please come. I think the two of you need to talk,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't know, Hyuck. I'm tired.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Donghyuck sighed. “Jun, he’s been here for hours.” </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he?” Renjun asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I let him inside my house. I can’t let him stay here longer, my customers are ogling too much.” Donghyuck pointed at the table near them. Renjun glanced and saw five young girls looking at them with expectation in their eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun nodded and smiled at Donghyuck. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, Jun?” Donghyuck called. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun stopped and turned around. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go easy, he looks really tired.” Donghyuck gave him a smile before running back to his counter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun climbed up, he was nervous. Time flew fast and spring was saying hello already, Renjun entered the room and saw him sitting on one of the black armchairs of Donghyuck. The cold breeze of the fading winter blew on his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaemin..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin looked at him. His eyes were filled with bags, he wasn’t sleeping properly perhaps. Jaemin was wearing a style Renjun never saw before, he was too simple and it bothered Renjun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What happened?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” Renjun asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin was hesitant, he always had been hesitant. It wasn’t like Jaemin was an overly confident man towards Renjun and now, Renjun knew. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to talk to you but I don’t know how to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m living in your house, Jaemin. You could knock anytime on my door.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun walked towards him, the sound of his feet slowly walking and the creaking noise of the old wooden floor was soothing. Renjun stood before Jaemin, his hand reaching the top of Jaemin’s head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was scared..” Jaemin whispered. “I was scared of everything..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun knelt down. “Of what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of what I did to you..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun smiled. “I’m okay, Jaemin. I accepted it already.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, No.. You don’t understand.” Jaemin looked at him. “I took advantage of you, I..I made you feel bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never felt anything, Jaemin. I never felt any of your touch. The marks you left were just a bruise to me. The kisses you gave me were just a skin to skin touch to me. I never said I felt assaulted, Jaemin. I was happy seeing you, hearing you, liking you. I know my body, I accepted it already and it was years ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you even like me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my wonder, a thought I have been thinking for months, a man I have been following for months. I like you for many things and not because you’re sexually appealing. You called me for dinner, you made me love my body, and you recognized me as an artist.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin sighed. “I..I don’t deserve you, Renjun..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How can you know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin was quiet. The wind was the only sound between them and Renjun’s stable breathing. Renjun held Jaemin’s hands and kissed it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll work this out, Jaemin.” Renjun said, warming Jaemin’s hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With love.” Renjun smiled and kissed Jaemin. </span>
</p><p><br/>
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</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello!!!</p><p>i might do a part two in jaemin's pov so stay tuned!!</p><p>thanks for reading! leave a kudos if you liked it and I appreciate the comments too!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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